DO-WOR(R)Y- No Pun Intended

Hello to anyone who cares to read,

And yes, you read it right, the title does say Do-worry. A warning to any parent who has a girl child. No offence to anyone in particular but a question to all out there- why does the ‘Dowry system’ still exist? Because, the guy’s parents insist? And, that for sure is the popular belief- true to some extent too. But, the truth is that this system still exists in its raw form or slightly modified versions because the girl’s family insists, because it would otherwise bring down their social status; because their child will not be treated well, because they love their child so much, because, because, because…. And no, it’s not Dowry that they give, it’s a ‘gift'(totally sarcastic).

My only question here is why? Aren’t you giving away your daughter to an able partner who is capable of looking after her? Isn’t she going to be the homemaker and his constant companion and maybe the breadwinner too? Or is it a cost you pay to get rid of the commodity sitting ideal at home? I really am unable to understand, why do parents underestimate their daughters, their capability, their looks, their nature? For once, trust her. Don’t just leave her to be an ornamental object which is kept safe just because of the price that was paid.

And if you still insist on really giving the so called ‘gift’-then give it to your daughter and not to your son-in-law or his family. Say, gift her a Fixed Deposit maybe!- that will at least give her financial independence (in case she doesn’t wish to work). Or if your love is still insatiable, then be discreet for once- let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth.

You might think why I am so opposed to this system of transactions. First things first- I am a daughter, need I say more? But, this has nothing to do with my husband or his family. No, the real reason is that I have seen the condition of parents who have really struggled to full fill the demands made by the groom’s family. I have seen the scared look on their faces when some demands are not met, scared that their daughter would be hurt they  run around arranging funds, taking loans and go through a really hard time -all for what- just to see their daughter happily married?

When will they understand that by doing so, they set in motion a vicious cycle?

This is how it goes. A wealthy parent decides to give gifts to his son-in-law, the immediate family- his daughter is now happily married. But, this has created a social scale for comparison and the society around starts discussing in terms of how much we can give. Now in a different family, a boy’s parents start wondering what gifts they will get when their son gets married- this is called ‘creating expectations‘. On the other hand, in the same society there is a middle class family, managing somehow to live a standard life, the loving parents have a daughter and a son. When it’s turn for this daughter to be married, the society already has some set expectations, so the parents struggle and arrange things to match the bar set earlier. But, by the time the daughter is married they are too tired of making ends meet and their hearts are hardened due to the pain they’ve undergone. Now they become the malicious kind and start expecting that their son will get equal amount or more- this is called- ‘creating helplessness‘.

Either way, this cycle continues, the situation of the people with very low-income is even worse. They are too scared of the society, afraid that their daughters will stay home as spinsters, and so what do they compromise? The personality, and they send their daughters off to hell with very small affordable gifts.

Unless daughters and their parents take a solid step towards saying ‘NO’ to the gift system. ‘NO’ it won’t do your daughter any harm. And, ‘NO’ the groom doesn’t want it, nor do his parents. ‘NO’ your daughter will not be harassed- and if it happens then you are at fault because you found the wrong guy for your daughter.

That being said you also need to be aware that the so called ‘gifts’ too come under the punishable offence. For starters Dowry/the worry system is defined as ‘an amount of property or money brought by a bride to her husband on their marriage’. Under Indian law, dowry has been illegal since 1961 under the Dowry Prohibition Act, 1961.

In this Act, “dowry” means any property or valuable security given or agreed to be given either directly or indirectly.

(a) By one party to a marriage to the other party to the marriage, or (b) By the parent of either party to a marriage or by any other person, to either party to the marriage or to any other person.

See what you are doing? In plain words endangering the life of your ‘precious son-in-law’.

However, let’s not ignore the other side too. In certain communities the groom’s family too present gifts to their daughter-in-law and her family. Where would this fit in? Does fits the definition though- one party to another! 

I say, say ‘NO’ to this too. Why barter, and who is the commodity here?

It’s high time this archaic cycle came to an end and it is upon each and every one of us to raise our voice against such things that are easily observable.

This is all I wish to say, and I hope we get to see the changes soon.

With these serious thoughts, this is Satrangee Parachute flying off in search of ‘Change’.